Left Below...

awe and intimacy...

so I woke up thinking this morning... how can I have a balanced relationship with God when I'm supposed to stand in awe of him, the train of his robe fills the temple with glory (just pause and think about that for a second.... yea. crazy), creator of the universe, God of wonders and all things are in his hands.

But

He's also the lover of my soul, more then a friend, intimate and close. So how do I balance the two? I know they must go hand in hand, but for me this task is hard. I don't want to lose the reverance I have and treat God like a 'buddy' but I dont want to stand in fear my whole life so maybe sometimes I do want him as my buddy. I dont know. I'm working on this one.....

Being home.

So I went home for the past month and a half. I'm sitting in Philadelphia again (just got back in on Sat) and reflecting on my time spent at home. I have always found it extremely difficult to go home to Yakima. After being in Kona and elsewhere in the world for the past 4 1/2 years it, each time I would arrive back in Yakima my mind would immediately revert to "when do I get to leave?" I have never been content at home. But this time... being home was so refreshing. I think I finally stopped and told myself I should be content in all situations. Why is a place like Cambodia so much easier for me to be content but Yakima I cannot be?? What gives?

So... I just let myself be. I let myself be content and enjoy friends and family and rest. I let myself enjoy what God has given me in every season and every location he places me in. Because of that, I could see all the ways he was providing for me and always has, but in the past I just failed to see it. I've learned more about myself and who I am in the past few weeks then I thought possible. It feels really good.

I cannot believe in a few months I'll be back in Yakima for an extended period of time. i never thought that would happen, but it is and I'm going to love it. I am going to love being in Philadelphia even though it's hard for me to be here too. To learn to be content wherever we are may just be one of the toughest things to do as humans, but I think it is quite necessary and it opens up your eyes to see the beauty in everyday. Not just thinking about the next opportunity that will seem better or the next location or the next 'whatever' but seeing the opportunities that lay in front of us that can get forgotten. So here's to today. It's always a struggle to find joy in everyday but I'm trying.