I can be so cruel

I am such a shmuck. I wish I had a mind of a guy sometimes. Get out of this over-emotional girl body that I must dwell in. I wish my reaction to hurt would be to take it and run to Jesus. Unfortunately I would rather hurt people instead. BAD MADIE! I want to be the kind of person who does the right thing, but hurting feels so bad. I wish I could erase past mistakes, erase the past year and the memories that I hold in that year, but I can't. Pain shapes us. Pain shows us who we really are...big messes. Pain draws us closer to Jesus and it reminds us that there is still grace at the end of the day.

I wish the one person I truly cared about didn't have to hurt because of me. I wish that person knew how deeply sorry I am for expecting so much and not respecting him. I wish I could make it right and fix it, but I'm all out of tricks. Give it back to God AGAIN and let go. Let go and let God as my friend Andrew told me...right? Let the pain in and let the hurting start. Its gonna be a long journey but this too shall pass.